August 21, 2006

Goodness....

8/18/06 - Friday

Amie, Mark & I were thoroughly entertained right from the get go. We check in & have our stuff searched... I ended up being fondled by some stalky chick security gaurd because apparently my ticket "said" I was required to be searched. Basically, I got felt up & didn't get paid for it...all the while, Mark & Amie giggled their asses off. Boarded the plane & the bridal party from hell sat right infront of us (imagine fran drescher wearing white minnie mouse ears and a veil). The damn laugh was like nails on a chaulk board...not to mention every 5 minutes we'd hear "HAPPY VEGAS!! HAPPY VEEEEEEEGAS!!". By the end of the 50 minute flight, Viking (Amie) and myself were trying to restrain ourselfs from bitch slapping the bridal group. Oh, lets not forget that our pilot ended up doing donuts on the tarmack when we finally landed... good shit.

Finally pile off the plane & bum rushed baggage claim, got the rental car & hauled ass to our hotel. When checking in, I could've sworn the hotel clerk hated the world...or just me in general. I couldn't tell, but he had the biggest chip on his shoulder...I probably would too if I constantly had drunks talking to me & blowing cigg smoke in my face. *sigh* We headed up to the room & our room keys almost never worked...basically we stood there for 5 minutes at a time just inserting it to see if it'd take it. BLAH. Dropped our gear off & hit up food around midnight (I love how Mark (27) got carded and Amie (20) didn't).. Let the games begin.
I was officially schmeesed after 2 beers...thank god for being a cheap drunk. Amie & Mark figured that wasn't enough, so we hit the strip & ended up getting more booze. I don't remember half the shit I did, but all I remember is referring to dice as "Dice balls" & I randomly bought 2 bottles of champagne. Oh yea.. Amie & I made the perverts happy by collecting the raunchy girl cards (you all know which ones i'm talking about), they make excellent souvinere presents...Might I add,everyone on the receiving end is very happy. Sean attempted to drunk dial me & I barely remember that conversation.. all I remember is him saying bad things & me laughing my ass off. Please note the main pic on my profile now... I was drunk & on the phone with Mr. Sean all the while, Mark & Amie were co-herient enough to notice I was leaning near a sign that I obviously didn't see. Go me.
I'm schmeesed... Viking was there after a long neck margarita...Squishy (Mark) was right behind me considering he's a lil' undercover lush. We're stumbling along the strip & we hear this god aweful array of singing....it's kareoke. It gets better.... it's guys singing Backstreet Boys "I want it that way"...all while dressed up as super heros. Batman, Robin, Mr. Incredible & even Capt. Jack Sparrow thought they were the next American Idol. Needless to say, we took their picture & scampered off while laughing hysterically (pictures coming soon). Overall, I drunk dialed Sean a few times verses his few... ended up crashing out at ...hmmm...3:30am? I think, I dont know. Either way, I went to sleep before Amie & Mark because I'm a light weight...They ended up coming home about an hour after me. I guess they were having issues with the stupid room key like I did (I spent over 20 minutes screwing around with that damn thing while considerably drunk)since Amie was awesome enough to just keep calling me on my cell for me to open the door rather than struggle with it like I did. Bastard!
8/19/06 -Saturday

When I woke up, I felt like I ate an ashtray of cigg butts. Nasty nasty nasty....not to mention I was hung over. To cure this crappy sensation... I helped myself to a tall boy of Mimosa. I'm not an alcoholic... I don't attend meetings. We proceeded to the buffet then headed off to the Palms casino since I wanted to check out Hart & Huntington Tattoo.When we parked & got all situated...Amie noticed a construction truck next to us & someone happened to have left their bump cap just sitting in the truck bed. Needless to say, we aquired a bump cap. As for Hart & Huntington, I was rather disappointed with that shop...stood in line for 30 minutes for just a silly t-shirt. Balls!
From there, we scampered on over to the Hooters Hotel, which was another slight disappointment to me. To no surprise, it was full of gross old men who could be my grandfather (my grandpa has class though) and were oogleing over titties and beer. I ended up leaving with a Hooters shirt, shot glass & 2 mugs. Went back over to the strip, grabbed some grub, hit up M&M World & headed back to the hotel to rest up. Snoozed while Amie went ninja status & took a picture of my ass while I was sleeping since she's a pervert. Six o'clock rolled around & out the door we went since it was time for NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKELBACK at Mandalay Bay. Parking was easy..hiked to the Event Center & stood in the General Section. I gotta say...people are idiots. Well, drunken people that is. Some douche bag attempted to start a fight just so he could move up maybe a few inches...to his enjoyment, people pushed back & security got involved. Lovely! To our surprise, we came to find out that there were 4 bands playing rather than 3....so we saw Hinder, Chevelle, Hoobastank & Nickelback. The show rocked & I was officially deaf by the time it was all finished. Sean has a statement that completely stuck in my mind once everyone was leaving the concert "I'm a shepard in a flock of retarded sheep". That's EXACTLY how it felt while watching everyone stampede downthe hallways and into the main casino...it was entertaining to say the very least. Once we escaped back to our Hotel, round 2 started for drunken escapades. While on the strip, we got lost since we were completely hammered from some drink we were nursing on from Fat Tuesdays...ran around New York New York, MGM...shit..I can't remember what else we did. Amie & I ended up crashing out while Mark continued on without us...he ended up coming back around 5am & totally wasted. All in all, it was too fun.
8/20/06- Sunday

Woke up to Seans text informing me how hungover he was...he decided since he was off this weekend that he was going to get schmeesed as well. Atleast I have Vegas to blame my drunken sillyness on...he's Irish & an '08er...'nuff said *wink*. The three of us get our shit together, made like a baby and head out. Went over to Treasure Island for pirate booty then went on over to Harley Davidson where Amie got a very large and prominate boner. In the process of finding Harley, we stopped off at El Polo Loco & proceeded to be amused by a crack junky who decided to show his happy trail to Amie...which caused her boner to simmer down. Good Amie. I love the fact that when you reach the double doors for Harley, the sign on the door states,"Please, No Firearms". Classic I tells ya! Did some damage there & then proceeded back to the airport since it was time to vacate back to our lovely state of California.
I was molested by a gaurd in Santa Maria...Mark was molested by a guy who looked like he belonged in Thunder Down Under. Mark loved it. His magical junk set off the security alarm so he was forced to get searched & felt up. I honest to god wished that I recorded them searching him since they were giving him the ol' 1-2. You know they both had a good time considering they parted ways with big smirks. bwahahaaa.... Amie was the only one frisk -free...that'll eventually change since $50 and a tweaker in Oceano will make things right. The flight home smelled like stale french fries.... not to mention our pilot on the way home decided to bounce our plane like it was a super ball when it came time to land. I think that's pretty normal considering he might've had 1 or 2 Jack & Cokes while flying. Hmmmm..

All in all, I had a blast. Mark has whip lash from all the fake titties while Amie & I have whip lash from all the FUPA's *shudder*. Amie remained midget-less even though I took a drunk-by picture of one while I was stumbling through a casino ( for the life of me, I can't remember which casino). Many fond memories...great black-mail pictures... Viva Las Vegas!